Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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