Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize