had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
