My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
