would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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