Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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