I need help removing her.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
