apparently the secret to your success is patron
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
