**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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