It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
