shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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