I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
