Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
a search helicopter?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
