all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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