Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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