I skipped work to stalk him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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