If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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