Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
