Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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