He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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