I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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