The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
this is an emotional support booty call
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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