Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
