His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
