My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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