just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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