She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
