Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
