Tell her she can't have a vagina
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
