i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
