they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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