I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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