totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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