It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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