Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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