Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
