hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
