so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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