even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
as a side note pls kill me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
