their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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