You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
