Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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