So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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