if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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