i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
