i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
