i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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