Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
