I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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