FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
