omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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