Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize