Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize