They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
