Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
