my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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