I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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