I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
