At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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