Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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