There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
