dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
