if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
