Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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