hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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