There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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