I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
