if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
